It’s a conspiracy!!!

To say that my training routine has suffered slightly in the last couple of weeks is an understatement. And my lack of blogging is a permanent reminder of this period of inactivity. So to make myself feel less ashamed of my slackness and hopefully to provide you, my dear reader, with some amusement, I present the following post in the style of New Zealand’s unbiased and informative mainstream media.

Shock return of winter hinders courageous cyclist
The last two weeks have seen Christchurch plunged into mid-winter conditions as icy blasts of cold air hammer the country from the depths of the Southern Ocean. Of course, being Spring, the most settled of seasons for weather, this has taken cyclists completely unawares which has resulted in many a cancelled training ride. The preceding warm period, which strongly signalled the end of all bad weather for all time, has exacerbated the problem for cyclists, many of whom have packed all of their warm clothes away into storage containers and burnt their wet weather gear as a sign of devotion to the god’s of warm weather. All are now shocked and disoriented by this unexplained return to cold unsettled conditions.

For one rider in particular, the writer of this very blog, this sinister change of weather has brought with it other barriers to training than just bitterly cold winds and freezing rains. The rider in question has courageously fought her way back from a dramatic injury which required her right arm to be pinned together again, and since then has been going from strength to strength on the bike. She was completely unprepared for the cruel blow the weather gods had in store for her. As the temperatures plummeted to an unbearable 7 degrees C the pain in this freshly healed arm was shocking. Uncertain of her future on the bike this cyclist sought medical advice and was assured that the pain was normal. Unfortunately this injury, in combination with an enormous soccer-ball sized hematoma, has kept her from any serious training for the past 2 weeks. Indeed, even had she been uninjured the terrible apathy brought on by the strange, unheard of weather and the government conspiracy to bring forward daylight savings while the weather is cold, would have stopped her from training anyway. Can she come back from such a set-back? She is confident she can and has already thrown herself back into training with a renewed commitment that must be admired.

Tackling bright and sunny conditions on Saturday she has bravely completed a long ride for Motokara to Little River again, this time with the support of a good friend and fellow cycle addict. Unfortunately for the two attractive and fit cyclists, the weather was once more destined to throw hurdles in their path. A howling head wind greeted these brave women as they set out on their return journey, making it one of agony and slowness. On more than one occasion they were forced to huddle behind trees or rocks to get some respite from the terrible winds, before regrouping their strength and struggling onwards. They were unaided in their journey and were often mocked by those lucky souls who were travelling with the gale at their backs. After 2 hours of battling the ghastly wind the two women successfully completely their journey and were completely spent from their battle. Such bravery and determination in the face of such unheard of and unfair weather can only be commended, especially following, as it does, a period of inactivity and injury.

So as you can see from the above account (which contains no sarcasm, exaggeration, or bias, no really, it doesn’t , honest) I’m back on the training wagon, which is just as well. Saturday sees the next race of the season, although in no universe can this be seen to be serious, but more on that later. I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Needless to say, I’ve been doing a few laps on McLean’s Island on my singlespeed with my girls and we’re all hoping the weather behaves on Saturday, so we can unleash carnage on the unsuspecting. If you’re at the 12hr race and see a big red tent full of chicks dressed strangely and singlespeeds, say hi.