Tuesday, May 25, 2010

How to catch and release a mouse

A Tribute to Allie Brosh, genius behind Hyperbole and a half - go there!

WARNING: This blog post contains no traces of cycling or even dieting, but with winter here I thought those of you who don’t like squishing any little mice who venture into your warm house would find this informative.

The last couple of nights hubby and I have watched a rather cute little mouse race around the skirting boards of the lounge and scale the curtains like a little Sir Ed. Many of you will no doubt be grossed out by that, but both hubby and I thought he was very cute. Unfortunately your average mouse is not toilet trained and neither of us is particularly fond of the prospect of mouse poop everywhere, so with a heavy heart I set up the traps.
However our mousey friend didn’t seem interested in being flattened so when it started zooming around the room last night we decided to try and employ a catch and release technique which had proved most successful last year when we had a mouse in the kitchen.

Step 1
You’ll need three things to successfully capture your speedy little rodent. One of you, in this case me, will need to be wearing a long sleeved top with sleeves that can be stretched and will be the trapper. The other of you will need a torch and long arms, in this case my lovely hubby and will be the frightener. Finally you’ll need an object that you can chase the mouse behind and only has two points of exit, in this case a piano. (In a kitchen I recommend an oven or refrigerator).

Step 2
Spend many amusing minutes chasing the mouse around until you can get it behind the object you have chosen.

Step 3
Deploy the frightener to one exit and the trapper to the other. The trapper should place their hand flat on the floor palm up at the exit point to act as a little mouse ramp and with the other hand lift their sleeve to ensure the mouse only has one place to go.

Step 4
The frightener should then start making lots of noise at the other exit, poking things towards the mouse and bashing the floor till the mouse decides to take the lesser of two evils and head up the dark tunnel you have created at the other exit. IMPORTANT!! The trapper needs to stay very very still during this process, if you get a fright and squeal and withdraw your arm as the mouse approaches you will fail and may have to resort to killing it, which seems very unfair.

Step 5
Hold your sleeve closed with the hand the acted as a ramp for the mouse and with your other hand grab your sleeve further up your arm to prevent the mouse from making a break towards your neck.

Step 6
Go outside and find a suitable place, preferably away from your house, to release the hand that is holding the sleeve closed. How far you get will depend upon how you feel about having a warm furry thing scampering about on your forearm. When you open your sleeve the mouse will immediately leap forth and be returned to nature none the worse for wear and you will be happy in the knowledge you haven’t murdered an innocent creature who just wanted some warmth.

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