A Public Service Announcement

Post crash helmet safety

So you’ve had a bit of a crash? It’s time to check out the old brain bucket for any incidental damage. It may be that you don’t think your head even touched the ground, especially if you’ve cleverly employed the “out-stretched limb” technique of face-hitting-the-ground (FHTG) prevention. Of course we all know there are dangers inherent in employing the out stretched limb, particularly arms, to prevent FHTG, however these dangers are usually rewarded with the very nice NBN (not broken neck), LOC (lack of concussion), TAIMS (teeth all in mouth still) and NBDW (no brain damage whatsoever). However just because you’ve avoided FHTG doesn’t mean your head hasn’t hit the ground during your balletic dismount. Check for tell-tale signs.

Scuffs, for example on the front near the visor.



Or to the rear. If either are visible then your head has hit the ground and if both are visible then your head has obviously rolled along the ground!



It is CRUCIAL that you check for further damage. Are there any dents in the exterior the helment?



If yes then your head has probably hit something both hard and pointy. Time to check for cracks, especially in the area of any dents. They may be obvious like so…..



Or more subtle like this one.



It maybe that you don’t find any cracks, but have both scuffs and dents, and if you also have some broken bones then you MUST THROW AWAY your helmet. If you do have cracks then you MUST THROW AWAY your helmet. It is important this is done safely.

First you’ll need some safety approved footwear. I recommend steel capped boots.



Since you are obviously accident prone (hence the broken helmet) I also recommend knee pads, a full face helmet and the all important ugly safety glasses. With these in place you are ready for the log splitter.

The most reliable technique to employ is to have your log splitter hit the helmet with the flat end, this will reduce the chance of nasty ricochets. Ensure you sight your target carefully.



DO NOT stare at other things in the vicinity.



Keep a nice stable stance with legs akimbo.



And destroy that helmet. Repeat as necessary.



You should end up with a safely destroyed and unusable pile of polystyrene and plastic and a fantastic feeling of satisfaction and responsibility.



Place the contents in the appropriate rubbish receptacle.



Congratulate yourself on a job well done.


Now go out and spend plenty of money on a replacement helmet. Remember all those scuffs, dents and cracks would have been on your head without you dearly departed helmet!